Today has been quite an interesting day. The baby has been crying his face off. This is a really strange phenomenon for him. It fascinates me how he can be sooooo tired yet not go to sleep. It all started when he didn't go down for his normal nap today, and went down hill from there. I tried the pacifier, the boob, the rocking, the cry-it-out method and just about everything else. It is really grating on my nerves and breaking my heart at the same time. I tell him, "Mommy wants to make it better" but I know I can't until he gets some shut-eye.
Meanwhile, I am getting ready for my trip. Pretty much just trying to get the last things together. I have sprayed all of the babies cloths, the blanket, and his stroller with permethrin to repell the mosquitos. I have most of the things I need to take with me piled up in my room. Its gonna be a nightmare trying to play ring around the rosy with the bags to keep them underweight. Considering how Fabi has been all day I'm getting a little nervous about having him on 2 planes for more than 8 hours in two days.
So as the countdown continues I pray that the little man decides to cork out for a few. Grandma will be home from Seattle tonight so I might call on her to make up for some time she lost over the weekend so I can handle my business.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Welcome to this blog thing...
I decided today that it would be worth my while to try this whole blog thing. It seems to be a good way for some people to let out emotion whether it be positive or negative. I guess the only question is where do I start? Some people may already know parts of my story, but not all of it. I guess I will start with the begining...
I am married to one of the most wonderfully obnoxious, selfish, hilarious, loving men in the world. Notice the adjectives. I choose not to put him up on a pedestal. He truly drives me mad at least 3 times a day. On the other hand he could say the same about me. I have always been emotionally needy and sometimes clingy. For both of our faults however, we maintain a supportive and caring marriage. He truly is the love of my life.
Fabian came to the US at the age of 17 somehwere around May or June 2002 or thereabouts. He doesn't remember and neither do any of his family members. He had dropped out of Secundaria to go to work just a few months before he would have finished. He was playing in the Sub-17 soccer league and had some promise of going pro as a goalie. It is truly one of his passions. His next life decision is one that torments him, he both regrets it, yet knows it has taken him to where he is today. Instead of persuing his soccer career he decided to join a few uncles and come with his father to the US. He spoke no english but the promise of money 10 times what he could make in a day was dangling in front of him. So they packed a few belongings and did what many Mexicans do, the hired a coyote. I have only heard parts of the full story of how he got here the first time. I know it involved walking in the desert of Arizona for a few days and then being picked up in a truck covered by a tarp. He said they (those in the group) were forced to lie on top of each other. One man on the bottom was being burned by the heat from the exhaust pipe and when he cried for help the coyotes told him to shut-up or get out. He just lay there continuing to be burned for I don't know how long. Eventually Fabian and his father arrived in Maryland where they met with a family member who gave them a place to stay and some clothes. The next day they were out looking for work. They found it washing dishes in several chain restaurants and the like.
Fast-forward about 5 years later. I met Fabian when we worked together in a restaurant. He worked Mon. thru Sat. 8-4. I worked in the carry-out Mon. thru. Friday 8-4. We became somewhat of work friends. I learned that he had a 2 year old daughter with an American woman and that he had studied some english but knew little about his family or life. One day he came into work with a new cell phone. He came to me and asked for help because he couldn't figure out what his number was. I searched and searched and unable to pull it up I just called my cell from his. He said thank you, we went back to work and moved on. Or so I thought. A few minutes later I started getting texts with hearts and music. Thus our relationship began from nothing but a cute interlude.
The next week I missed a few days of work getting my wisdom teeth out. He called to see where I was, worried about me. I tried to explain to him, but his english at this point was still about as good as my spanish, and that wasn't that great. Somehow we managed to have a 3 hour conversation, I don't even remember about what. The next night we did the same. Finally after a few days I got the guts to ask HIM out. We went to see the movie "Shoot Em Up". It was gawd-awful and looking back I'm sure he didn't understand a word. At the end he didn't even walk me to my car and I only got a hug good-bye. The next night he invited me over to his place, a room he rented in a basment with about 5 other hispanics living in it including a couple in the laundry room. We drank a few beers, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and about 5 mintues later we were well.... uh.... Anyways it was hot and heavy from then on. I started that night sleeping over almost every day of the week. After being together just a few weeks we were saying I love you, and I was just as integral a part of his life as he was mine.
Ten months later we got married. We eloped at the courthouse just me and him then got in the car and drove to Ocean City for our 2 day honeymoon. We told my parents a month later. They were less than thrilled. I soon began the quest to get him his "papers" but was told by a lawyer to just lay low. We put it off and continued to live our lives. He was pulled over a few times for driving without a lisence etc. This violated his previous probation for DWI, a charge that he served 8 days for and paid restitution. Unfortunately his violation of probation landed him a sentance of 2 weekends to be served in the county detention center. His plan was to serve them, and then leave for Mexico on his own terms. That never happened. He was given an ICE hold his first weekend there. I went to pick him up and found out on a Sunday night. It was September 2009.
Fabian was transferred from the Ordinance Road detention center, to Jennifer Road, to Baltimore ICE custody, and then finally to the Frederick detention center where ICE rented beds. I now faced the hard task of telling my parents about Fabian's immigration status, or lack there of. I had to explain that just a few years earlier he had been given voluntary departure and had gone back to Mexico. I had to explain that he came back just a month later, a decision he made due to his daughter being here in the US with her mother, his ex girlfriend. I had to explain that I needed $16,000 to bail him out or he was stay in jail waisting away until he was deported. This was one of the hardest things. I had to finally admit that I had been lying to them. I lied to protect them. My father had a security clearance and lives life by the book. My actions were putting my family's welfare in jeopardy.
My parents put up Fabian's bail. He only stayed 11 days in jail total but it felt like 11 years. It was the longest we had ever been apart in our whole relationship and it was torture. He came home and we decided to start his papers as soon as possible. We submitted the I-130 before he left in February 2010. He was granted a second voluntary departure. We thought we had been given a gift. His lawyer said that with a waiver he would be back in 6-18 months. We packed as much as we could and I went with him to Mexico after a stop to check in at the Embassy in D.F. After a week together in Mexico I kissed him good-bye and got on the plane ready to come home and fight the good fight to bring him home. I became consumed in research and getting as much documentation of hardship as I could. I planned a trip and in May 2010 I went to go visit him. We spent 3 weeks of bliss together and I left pregnant with our first child.
Now everything has changed. I have found out that due to his 2 entries into the US Fabian is subject to a lifetime ban. I now have a 2 month old son that is the joy of my life yet we have become a burden to so many. I live back at home with my parents. They give me a "paycheck" every two weeks so that I can survive until I start my new job next month. I wish he had been there to hold my hand when I was in labor. I wish he could have cut the umbilical cord. I wish he could have held his newborn son.
In 3 days Little Fabi and I are making the trip down to Chiapas to see him. I'm beyond overjoyed because we haven't seen each other in 6 months, and he will have a chance to meet his child. I am scared however because we need to decide what to do now. Its a conversation that I am scared to have resolved. Either way happiness is more an obscure memory than a hope. The options are bleak. Make the move with my baby and face living in poverty with no way of supporting ourselves but together, or remain seperated drawing off of other people dreaming of being together again one day.
Perhaps after next week we will be one step closer to the answer. I just hope we can figure out the right one.
I am married to one of the most wonderfully obnoxious, selfish, hilarious, loving men in the world. Notice the adjectives. I choose not to put him up on a pedestal. He truly drives me mad at least 3 times a day. On the other hand he could say the same about me. I have always been emotionally needy and sometimes clingy. For both of our faults however, we maintain a supportive and caring marriage. He truly is the love of my life.
Fabian came to the US at the age of 17 somehwere around May or June 2002 or thereabouts. He doesn't remember and neither do any of his family members. He had dropped out of Secundaria to go to work just a few months before he would have finished. He was playing in the Sub-17 soccer league and had some promise of going pro as a goalie. It is truly one of his passions. His next life decision is one that torments him, he both regrets it, yet knows it has taken him to where he is today. Instead of persuing his soccer career he decided to join a few uncles and come with his father to the US. He spoke no english but the promise of money 10 times what he could make in a day was dangling in front of him. So they packed a few belongings and did what many Mexicans do, the hired a coyote. I have only heard parts of the full story of how he got here the first time. I know it involved walking in the desert of Arizona for a few days and then being picked up in a truck covered by a tarp. He said they (those in the group) were forced to lie on top of each other. One man on the bottom was being burned by the heat from the exhaust pipe and when he cried for help the coyotes told him to shut-up or get out. He just lay there continuing to be burned for I don't know how long. Eventually Fabian and his father arrived in Maryland where they met with a family member who gave them a place to stay and some clothes. The next day they were out looking for work. They found it washing dishes in several chain restaurants and the like.
Fast-forward about 5 years later. I met Fabian when we worked together in a restaurant. He worked Mon. thru Sat. 8-4. I worked in the carry-out Mon. thru. Friday 8-4. We became somewhat of work friends. I learned that he had a 2 year old daughter with an American woman and that he had studied some english but knew little about his family or life. One day he came into work with a new cell phone. He came to me and asked for help because he couldn't figure out what his number was. I searched and searched and unable to pull it up I just called my cell from his. He said thank you, we went back to work and moved on. Or so I thought. A few minutes later I started getting texts with hearts and music. Thus our relationship began from nothing but a cute interlude.
The next week I missed a few days of work getting my wisdom teeth out. He called to see where I was, worried about me. I tried to explain to him, but his english at this point was still about as good as my spanish, and that wasn't that great. Somehow we managed to have a 3 hour conversation, I don't even remember about what. The next night we did the same. Finally after a few days I got the guts to ask HIM out. We went to see the movie "Shoot Em Up". It was gawd-awful and looking back I'm sure he didn't understand a word. At the end he didn't even walk me to my car and I only got a hug good-bye. The next night he invited me over to his place, a room he rented in a basment with about 5 other hispanics living in it including a couple in the laundry room. We drank a few beers, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and about 5 mintues later we were well.... uh.... Anyways it was hot and heavy from then on. I started that night sleeping over almost every day of the week. After being together just a few weeks we were saying I love you, and I was just as integral a part of his life as he was mine.
Ten months later we got married. We eloped at the courthouse just me and him then got in the car and drove to Ocean City for our 2 day honeymoon. We told my parents a month later. They were less than thrilled. I soon began the quest to get him his "papers" but was told by a lawyer to just lay low. We put it off and continued to live our lives. He was pulled over a few times for driving without a lisence etc. This violated his previous probation for DWI, a charge that he served 8 days for and paid restitution. Unfortunately his violation of probation landed him a sentance of 2 weekends to be served in the county detention center. His plan was to serve them, and then leave for Mexico on his own terms. That never happened. He was given an ICE hold his first weekend there. I went to pick him up and found out on a Sunday night. It was September 2009.
Fabian was transferred from the Ordinance Road detention center, to Jennifer Road, to Baltimore ICE custody, and then finally to the Frederick detention center where ICE rented beds. I now faced the hard task of telling my parents about Fabian's immigration status, or lack there of. I had to explain that just a few years earlier he had been given voluntary departure and had gone back to Mexico. I had to explain that he came back just a month later, a decision he made due to his daughter being here in the US with her mother, his ex girlfriend. I had to explain that I needed $16,000 to bail him out or he was stay in jail waisting away until he was deported. This was one of the hardest things. I had to finally admit that I had been lying to them. I lied to protect them. My father had a security clearance and lives life by the book. My actions were putting my family's welfare in jeopardy.
My parents put up Fabian's bail. He only stayed 11 days in jail total but it felt like 11 years. It was the longest we had ever been apart in our whole relationship and it was torture. He came home and we decided to start his papers as soon as possible. We submitted the I-130 before he left in February 2010. He was granted a second voluntary departure. We thought we had been given a gift. His lawyer said that with a waiver he would be back in 6-18 months. We packed as much as we could and I went with him to Mexico after a stop to check in at the Embassy in D.F. After a week together in Mexico I kissed him good-bye and got on the plane ready to come home and fight the good fight to bring him home. I became consumed in research and getting as much documentation of hardship as I could. I planned a trip and in May 2010 I went to go visit him. We spent 3 weeks of bliss together and I left pregnant with our first child.
Now everything has changed. I have found out that due to his 2 entries into the US Fabian is subject to a lifetime ban. I now have a 2 month old son that is the joy of my life yet we have become a burden to so many. I live back at home with my parents. They give me a "paycheck" every two weeks so that I can survive until I start my new job next month. I wish he had been there to hold my hand when I was in labor. I wish he could have cut the umbilical cord. I wish he could have held his newborn son.
In 3 days Little Fabi and I are making the trip down to Chiapas to see him. I'm beyond overjoyed because we haven't seen each other in 6 months, and he will have a chance to meet his child. I am scared however because we need to decide what to do now. Its a conversation that I am scared to have resolved. Either way happiness is more an obscure memory than a hope. The options are bleak. Make the move with my baby and face living in poverty with no way of supporting ourselves but together, or remain seperated drawing off of other people dreaming of being together again one day.
Perhaps after next week we will be one step closer to the answer. I just hope we can figure out the right one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)